


Our Dark Lord Princess Sparkles

by NatashaRS



Series: Star Wars One-Shots [6]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Dinosaurs, Ficlet, Humor, M/M, Not exactly crack, One Shot, Phasma is so over these two, Tumblr Prompt, but - Freeform, eh, prompts, why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-16 16:45:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7275958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatashaRS/pseuds/NatashaRS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Did you....did you just tell the ruler of all darkness and evil 'Stop pouting, Princess Sparkles. Square up and fight me.'?"</p>
<p>Hux replied, slowly removing his gloves, "I did. I have been awake for three days on this godforsaken planet, and I have nothing to lose."</p>
<p>(Based on a Tumblr thing)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Our Dark Lord Princess Sparkles

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this post by @phan-cannons](http://phan-cannons.tumblr.com/post/146298354504/person-a-did-you-just-tell-the-ruler-of-all?utm_campaign=SharedPost&utm_medium=Email&utm_source=TumblriOS)
> 
> Have fun.

Phasma gapped, not that anyone could see it behind her helmet.

 

"Did you....did you just tell the ruler of all darkness and evil 'Stop pouting, Princess Sparkles. Square up and fight me.'?"

 

Hux replied, slowly removing his gloves, "I did. I have been awake for three days on this godforsaken planet, and I have nothing to lose."

 

He shedded his greatcoat and took a step towards the knight in front of him. Both were in a sorry state, having been stranded on Los D'ragm for several days with no way to communicate their location to the fleet. A few stormtroopers had died already (only one of which was at Kylo Ren's hand) and they were running out of food. The fact that the planet was inhabited by large carnivorous reptilian creatures which would not stop chasing them only made matters worse. Hux wasn't lying when he stated that he'd had no sleep. None of them had.

 

Kylo reached for his belt.

 

"Let's do this, General," he spat out.

 

However, his eyes went wide as he found that his lightsaber was gone. His mask had already disappeared, along with some of Phasma's shoulder armor, and a trooper's head. It was a miracle that the general had managed to keep his greatcoat throughout their entire adventure.

 

"Looking for this?" Hux asked.

 

Ren stared at the black saber hilt in the general's hand, and Hux smiled.

 

"Give that back!" Ren shouted as he extended his hand.

 

The saber did not move.

 

"What? That...that usually works," Ren muttered, staring at his outstretched palm.

 

Hux started to laugh and Ren stared, the dark circles under his eyes quite obvious to the general. Hux was aware that he was acting a bit inhibited, but he didn't particularly care. As he'd previously stated, he had nothing to lose. They were likely going to die anyway.

 

As if the universe had it out for him, a loud noise penetrated through the underbrush and made his ears ring.

 

"Run!" Phasma shouted, and everyone took off.

 

Hux, despite his better judgement, tossed Ren his lightsaber as he himself drew a blaster attached to his hip. He fired green bolts over his shoulder as they ran from the ferocious creature. Another noise filled the air, deafening them, and the distraction prevented the tired general from seeing the branch that sat so obstinately in his path. His foot caught on it and down he went, barely remembering to break his fall. Attempting to recover from the setback only sent a sharp pain through his leg, and he fell once more. The ground shook as the beast approached, ready to devour the general, and Hux cursed the fact that he hadn't got to kill Kylo Ren before meeting his own demise.

 

Hot, disgustingly scented air washed over his body as sharp teeth came down, and then the next thing he knew he was rolling down the side of a hill, Kylo Ren attached to him.

 

When Hux woke up, there was a heavy weight on his body, and Phasma's voice filled the air.

 

"Master Ren? General? Are you alright?"

 

"No. But we are alive," Hux blinked, realizing that Ren was the heavy weight on his chest.

 

"He's breathing," Hux continued, moving his hand up to shove the knight off of him.

 

Kylo his the jungle floor with an "oof" which woke him up and sent him scrambling to his feet. With Phasma's help, Hux recovered as well.

 

"What the hell was that about!" Kylo shouted.

 

"I don't know, you tell me! You're the one that was on top of me," Hux said, stepping forward despite the pain.

 

"Sir, I'm not sure you should."

 

"Shut it! I'm going to kill him!"

 

"Kill me? After I saved you and got you out of that beast's way?"

 

"I don't care. You're dead," Hux said, stumbling forward to grab onto Ren's robes.

 

"You're so-"

 

Ren's tired brown eyes stared and him, and Hux couldn't help himself. He kissed the foolish man, and the foolish man kissed back.

 

"You're so irritating."

 

**Author's Note:**

> There was no reason for this, but I did it anyway. I've been super inspired for the past two days, and I still have two fics I need to write by like, last month. So I'll do those too. But for now, please remember that you chose to read this. This is not my fault.
> 
> And if you want to see me making more bad choices, I'm at [@nat-fic](http://nat-fic.tumblr.com)


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